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| I'm busy all the time, I get one day off a week.
I have my own apartment and my kitty back and it rocks.
I'm involved with a very caring,loving, ambitious, intelligent, hilarious man and he makes me very happy, I hope it goes places. I'm going to do what I can considering I am emotionally exhausted from trudging through the thick amounts of bullshit from the past. This feels a little more refreshing, a clean slate if you will. Different state, different boy, different enviornment and situation entirely, I'm ready to try it on and see if it fits, wish me luck!
Also I'd like to give a big "WHAT the fuck" to all the dumb shit that has happened randomly this year, I'm so ready for it to be over. Fuck you dumb shit okay?alright? I don't wanna hear it anymore I'm done with you step off.
other than being exhausted I am content and excited for the holidays, I hope to be visiting ohio I just don't know if I will have the funds or not for next month but I'm gonna try to get up there as soon as I can.
also I need to get up there so I can find my damn socks that I lost, I love those!
kay.. - Mood:drained
 - Music:Malicious metal mix- Leggo my ego(aka Derek)
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| I posted a huge long entry and it got erased somehow. sweet, I guess I'll summarize it.
I'm in texas now, I live with my mom,judy and my sister I work at petsmart and I love it, it's a cute job. I'm scared to drive, I love the heat, I want to make friends and I miss my old ones.
I stopped talking to shaun, he thinks I'm materialistic and I think he's delusional. wish him well on his journeys but will not be keeping note of them.
I wish people would look at every possible prospective of a situation instead of worring so much about people understanding their own. Which seed will you plant?which one will grow and flurish? which one wont grow at all?will it bear fruit or thorns? think about it before you hurt yourself and others.
I hope to visit my friends in ohio soon or home they come out to see me at my new crib. I hope to stay positive and do something fun to make me feel like myself again because I kind of feel like an alien with all this change. I hope to have a good birthday this year even if I am by myself ._. - Mood:hungry
 - Music:Bassnectar-Interpret
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| What am I going to do...
*sigh*
I'm leaving for Texas this month, I'm so excited. But the days leading up to that day...have me in quite a bind.
hmm. - Mood:confused
 - Music:colours of melancholia
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Is it like some unwritten code that if your a dude and you date me you should lose all forms of income, not have a job and just sulk through life relying on me for mostly everything.
Not everything, but seriously I've noticed a pattern. I guess I just promote lazyness and anti-work ethic behavor in men. I dont want to say that to them but seriously wtf. It's been like this my whole life I don't know what to do! I'm tired of it. - Mood:aggravated
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| Well I have been doing okay i guess, just working and trying to save money up for texas . Im excited but scared, its a big change for me and Shaun is coming with me, I hope he can last out there its going to be a hudge change for him, but it needs to happen for both of us. I am very greatful for my mother giving us this oppurtunity I just hope her and Judy dont find us a burden, I really need there help and I hope they understand I would never ever take it for granted.
I miss updating my journal, I have so much to say but I dunno what is most important.
So I never got invited to prom in high school ever, so a couple friends of mine are throwing me a small prom this weekend and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the queen which is super sweet. I think that is so sweet, a little embaressing but very sweet I'm sure it will be fun :) I'm stoked. I need to find a nice dress.
I'm gonna finish up prepairing for work, bleh chicken and such. I hope school pays off and I can find a nice job so I dont have to slave away serving chickens to gluttons for 7.50 an hour I mean really I know I'm not amazing but I'm better than this, hopfully someone in this sick sad coporate world can see that.
Does anyone have the 3rd disc to FF8? holla at me if you do. - Mood:groggy
 - Music:Incubus-Stellar
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| So my cat died.
My uncle has also passed away. His funeral is on monday.
I can't find a job. I try everyday.
I sit at home alone everyday and do nothing except hope for days to bring better things. It wont get better, no matter how much I try and how much I hope its just not getting better.
I don't know what to do, I just want to leave and disappear theres nothing for me anymore.
I hate to be a depressing bag of douche but thats just how things are for me now. Don't tell me things will get better. - Mood:crushed
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This morning my cat got attacked by a couple dogs. My neighbors found her in my driveway in severe trauma, I took her to the vet immediately wrapped in a towel and a basket the neighbors kindly offered to me. They gave her some x-rays and there was no structural damage. I went back to check on her and theres no puncture wounds or anything she is just in alot a pain and on lots of medication. When I walked in she let out one last cry before I began to pet her and she fell right asleep.
I love that cat, I have had her since I was 12 she is a firm symbol of me and she has been there through everything she is amazingly strong and I'm proud she made it out of this one. My neighbor said she knew who the dogs belonged to so I gave her my number so they can contact me. I want to get some information and file a report, I hate to be a bitch but this is serious and I really dont have the money to pay these vet bills, I really cant stand for this.
Tonight I am going to go see Benny benassi but its going to be hard not to worry about her, especially since shes spending the night there, I think she will be okay but I can only imagine.
Everything in my life is absolutely bonkers right now, eventually I will find some order but at the moment there is always something crazy going on. I am never bored but I am also never happy, except for when I am with my friends not having a care in the world.
I may be moving to texas soon, thats also adding some stress. ack :( - Mood:crazy
 - Music:Tv on the radio-Golden age
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| So Shaun and I broke up and honestly I am relieved. Things were just not working out and some really bad shit happened and it is just better for us not to be together, it was bad timing altogether. I am doing pretty good emotionally I am just trying to stay busy and keep company with my friends which has been working out great. I admit it does feel good to not have to wait or rely on anyone for once, it has been forever I am really enjoying it.
I plan on moving to texas in the spring, I still have some stuff I want to do here before I make the move but I am making it for sure. I can't wait actually I am excited, my sister and luke or coming to so I'm not worrying about being lonely besides I will be back up here to visit every chance I get.
As far as life right now things could be a lot better but I'm hanging in there, I know that I will be okay no matter what and I also have a new sense of empowerment(but also a new sense of insecurity, but Im working hard on controlling it)
I can't wait until I leave ohio, I am done struggling. - Mood:bored
 - Music:system 22-code e 2008
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| I have seen better days, Shaun and I are always up and down, he is so arrogant sometimes I can't stand it. The cold weather has brought his car to stop running so we are stuck going stir crazy at my house. I've tried everything to keep from freaking out but I don't know what to do anymore.
I lost my job at Boston Market on accident, it really sucks but I have another job lined up, I'll be okay. I'm just really disappointed in myself but I'm trying to not let it bother me, it is really hard to find a job right now but at least I'm not a server. I mean think about it, when money is tight like it is for everyone right now, what is the first thing people stop doing? eating out. I have learned that I have no communication skills when it comes to everyday people and buisness, I am going to just find a worker bee job where I don't have to deal with anyone and I can just make my money and leave.
I am going to pick up my check tommorow and see if I might still have my job there, my sister said something about me still being able to come back so I don't know, if I do that is sweet so I can go ahead and get my car.
I'm so fucking bored, I can't wait until spring, spring is my favorite season ever! fuck all the rest. I really hope that all this nonsense is just the weather.
My sister told me shes going to bring me to Columbus state and help me get started with school because I seriously have no idea where to begin.
I'm going crazy gonmgomgokgmg - Mood:bored
- Music:Kenna
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| I find it hard to care anymore.
Go ahead, be angry it is just too easy it's pathedic.Arogant as a bull.
New years was really sweet I had a great time, I just wish it could've stayed as happy..of course it all came crashing down again today. I'm not gonna let it bother me, I am tired of being unhappy, I'm going to choose to be happy regardless of how you or anyone else feels right now.
I hate to say I miss it all. - Mood:confused
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